Dear Shirley MacLaine

By the Interstellar Housewife

Dear Shirley MacLaine,

I, um...

Uh...


It's been another one of those days. A lot of time spent sifting through the news and finding fuck all worth mentioning. Well, maybe a few items -- but I'm still formulating my opinions.

I did come across an older Larry King episode in which Shirley MacLaine appeared alongside James Fox and some of the military personnel that he has interviewed for Out of the Blue and I Know What I Saw. Honestly, to say Shirley was alongside these guys is not quite right. She appeared on the same show as they did, but Shirley was interviewed in a separate private interview, which appears in the middle of the show and then cuts back to the military guys. Why? Maybe Shirley couldn't make it on the same day. Maybe she refused to put herself in a possibly argumentative or confrontational situation. Or maybe she didn't want to get boy-cooties. Who can say? This may have been (and probably was) addressed before, but I'm too lazy to Google it right now.



This threw me back in time quite a ways, triggering the memory of a certain TV movie I saw as a young girl called "Out on a Limb" (many of you probably remember this if you're my age or older. I don't know why it has stuck out in reviewing my youth -- it certainly wasn't as horrifying as The Day After, which scared the ever-living shit out of me. Maybe it was that silver-chord thing and the fear that if I really did have one, it would snap and I'd be lost to the enormity of oblivion.

I had a chaotic imagination as a child.

Now that I try to recall the details of the film, they elude me. I think I remember South America. I think I remember some guy in a fedora or some form of brimmed hat. And then this one guy in a jeep with a very bristly moustache -- or maybe that was Matt Huston. Anyhoo, as imaginative as I was, I've always raised an eyebrow at many 'out there' claims. Of course, I'd be lying if I told you I never tried to induce an OOBE. Many times. So, I must have given the idea some form of credence. But maybe it was my inability to fully give-in to the belief, that prevented me from experiencing one. Maybe my midichlorians are actually off-the -chart and I just have to be told that Luke is, in fact, my brother.

But I doubt it.

What have we got so far? Yes, of course -- Shirley was on this Larry King episode, and I really don't understand why. Was it to get her perspective? Yeah, I guess. But her perspective was so far removed from what the general discussion was about, that it seemed disjointed. To me, the topic was Unidentified Flying Objects, or UAP if you prefer. Her bit was more angled at the Experiencer aspect, which is grand and all, since it's all part of the same umbrella, but they are sometimes at opposite positions of the circumference. Let's take things one at a time -- not throw them all together and present it to the public in one confusing pot of goulash. Her segment seemed like an entirely different show altogether, and I think that stands way out.

I'm not going to bang on her overall belief system, because I don't know anywhere enough about it. I just hope she isn't gunning to be the Bono of UFOlogy, because one Bono is enough for the whole of the Milky Way. I'd be ok with someone like Chris Isaak, but that is more probably because I've had a crush on him for years (Yeah, I know -- but in my defense, he does kind of look like a lesbian. Right?).

I'd heard about this particular Larry King show before, but ever since the mash-up with Bill Nye, I've had very little desire to peek in on King's other UFO roundtables. Yes, even if Bill Nye did hang any respectability he may have had with his own bow-tie.

Ms. MacLaine is a charming actress. I've always loved her roles, especially in Terms of Endearment. *pause* Everyone done vomiting? Good. So, yes, I do have respect for Shirley. A lot, actually. I just think UFOlogy maybe doesn't need her, um -- help.


So, let's try this again:

Dear Shirley MacLaine,

Please don't start wearing crazy sun glasses and then arrange for Stanton Friedman and Seth Shostak to shake hands at the next MUFON symposium.*

And please ask The Edge to take off that hat once in a while.


Sincerely,

Deirdre

*Anyone who gets this may consider themselves in my good graces.