I, Housewife

By The Interstellar Housewife

If you're anything like me (and probably a few others such as Regan and Lesley), you read a substantial amount of UFO-related items each day. And while I cannot speak for those two dedicated women, it often turns my brain to tofu.

I suppose I can't blame that entirely on the volume of news stories. After all, I could simply choose not to read them. In any case, I'm sure the wine isn't helping. And honestly, I do have to factor in the sheer stupidity which exists on the net, for a significant chunk of the blame.

There are a few drawbacks outside of the tofu-esque numbness of mind. I'll address my personal afflictions brought on by the wacky world of weird blinking lights and so-called free-energy, or as I like to call it, Greertonium.*

1.) Soyrebral Numbness - I've already covered this above, but to reiterate: Mind-numbness brought on by Too.Much.Information (hey, never said it was good information). Often times, depending on the opinions of the day, that numbness may last a whole lot longer than anticipated.

2.) A Failure to Communicate - Outside of you people, I have absolutely no one to talk to about this shit. I have a couple of mildly interested people, but no one who is really very close to it. I read so much stuff each day, it's almost torture not being able to talk out-loud, or even to type out-loud to somebody about the million and one things floating around in my head. I imagine there are quite a few of you who suffer this same fate.

My girlfriend attempts to humor me a bit, lending an ear, but she really has no point of reference, and after working all day, the last thing she probably gives a shit about is the ETH or Jeremy's wonderful impression of Stephen Greer.

I really am a woman without a country out here -- but its near mountains and rivers, and the food's all right.

And the eye-candy... Oh, the eye-candy!

3.) Folly - Have I been drinking while writing this post? Yes. Just a wee bit. A respectful amount, if you will. Practically nothing! Which is probably subjective, but there it is anyway. Oh, and this isn't really number 3.

3.) Paranoia Shmaranoia - Stephen King used to have a small sign on his desk that read: "Perfect Paranoia is Perfect Awareness", and while paranoia and awareness seem to blur significantly in the following example, it's still a lovely idea.

Ok, so, The Greys. Jesus Fucking H. See, this is partly why I stepped away from this area of interest for a number of years. I've since had to face it more directly, now that I read about it all the damn time. But seriously, why do The Greys have to be so ridiculously creepy!? I should really blame a lot of this on Whitley, because my first recognition of this fear was after seeing the cover of Communion on one of our end-tables, when I was a teenager.

Anyway, as you can imagine, my mind is often lit with that kind of thing, but I am getting past it. I've had too many weird bedroom scenarios in my life to want to entertain the idea of this kind of intervention. It hardly matters though, because as embarrassing as it is, I have scared the piss out of myself on more than a few occasions. For example: Last night.

Last night I woke up abruptly and in a bit of a spasm, because I thought I felt some one's face hovering over mine, and heard a voice whispering to me. And BAM -- I was up! My body can move pretty fast when it needs to, and I was shifting and flailing about for the light like a crazy-woman. I flicked on my bedside lamp while shouting for M. who had been sleeping peacefully right next to me -- and she's all "What the hell is the matter with you!?"

Well, at that point, you can't really get away with saying "nothing" because you've made a dramatic ass out of yourself and woke her up at 4am -- so sheepishly, I told her. While her eyes may have been shut, I imagine she still managed to roll them when I said "I had a nightmare and thought I was being abducted." *sigh*

I wish I could look at all of you straight in the eye and tell you that sort of thing only happened the once.

So that's number 3, and it went on a lot longer than it needed to.

4.) The Infinity Loop - "Around and around we go..." When you begin to speculate about phenomena such as UFOs or even ghosts or whatever, if you're not careful, you can get too close to the edge and succumb to the vertigo that is the "Paranormal". Luckily, though I get close to the edge at times, I have the practicality to remain just far enough back to not slip in. It all comes down to this question:

Have you ever tried to imagine what an object from a higher dimension might look like?

Well you can't, so stop trying to sort it out at 2am.

5.) Trains - Trains? What? Well, it's like this: I live near some tracks and while I don't really hear the train, I can feel it's rumble, and sometimes quite loudly. Picture, if you will, a small cozy home in lovely Portland, Oregon, well after midnight and knee-deep in UFO and Abduction articles -- and then the house starts rumbling...

I suppose number 5 could have gone under number 4 (which could actually be considered number 5 anyway, if you count my second number three as number four).

And as abruptly as this post began, so it ends. This concludes my random and sudden list of the possible dangers involved with the study and/or research of UFOs. Think responsibly and by the way, this next drink is on you.

*I'm lying. I've never called it that before in my life.