The Um, Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission

By The Interstellar Housewife

So, I was reading a summary of the Denver ballot initiative for an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, because I'm a glutton for punishment and I have this problem where I can't help but watch certain kinds of train wrecks. Anyway, I'm reading the summary of the ballot and somewhere in the middle, the main proponent of this initiative slaps in a little advert for his patented Metatron Technology.

If you don't know about this technology, you're missing out! Or missing out on a hearty chuckle, at the very least. This particular ad offered a software download that was listed as free, but I'm certain it's just an arrow to help promote his other Metatron devices which are very un-free. I knew about the card for a while now, but just discovered the number of products under this "technology" that he offers. Apparently it helps protect you from EMFs.

*Interesting side-note: The indie band EMF had a hit in the early 90s called Unbelievable.

Moving right along...

Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission

Item No. 8 of Sec. 2-255.60. Legislative intent states:

The People of the City and County of Denver hereby declare that:

8. The creation of an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission will help to ensure the health, safety, and cultural awareness of Denver residents and visitors and, ultimately, facilitate the most harmonious, peaceful, mutually respectful, and beneficial coexistence possible between extraterrestrial intelligent beings and human beings.

How in Hell is an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission going to ensure the health and safety of Denver residents? And ensure their health and safety in the event of what?

A military takeover?

An extraterrestrial invasion?

I'm no expert, but I'm not sure that Metatron Technology is an adequate form of defense against an extraterrestrial threat. And wait! Why would aliens be outting themselves in Denver? Right now I'm trying to imagine said commission facilitating "blah, blah, blah" at the Denver Moose Lodge.

While No.8 is quite a gem, I have to say that No.s 5 & 6 of the following section, are among my favorites:

The legislative intent of this division is to create a responsible, responsive, common sense strategy for dealing with issues related to the presence of extraterrestrial intelligent beings on Earth. To that end, the People of the City and County of Denver hereby establish an Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission, which shall have the following purposes:

5. To fund the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission entirely from grants, gifts and donations, without requiring any fiscal outlay from the city budget; and

6. To make expenditures from the Extraterrestrial Affairs Commission fund.

It's all beginning to make sense...